Forgiving?

Forgiving sets the prisoner free, and that prisoner is YOU.
Gosh, those words did struck me a bit. I've change dramatically recently, I get heated up easily. I don't really like to talk to people, smiling has become alien to me. Almost everything has lost its account. I couldn't find a new best friend in university anymore. I feel soo alone, maybe I need to go out and start talking but how? It's just a bit tough you know cause I can't really adapt well to changes. And holding a grudge is getting me nowhere. It gets me depressed only sometimes, most of the time I'm just feeling the anguish burning inside my body. Have I lost it all? Or maybe I just need to go out and start exploring the world once again. Yes the world is big and if you don't go out there you'll forever be at the same place. But how? I'm scared to take the first step. No one's with me.. Where can I turn to sometimes? It's not fair for me to go and always find you people to complain about my problems. I can't really help it and I don't really know what to do.. The counselor in my uni is terrible, he can't really counsel me nor even help me solve my problem. ._. What kind of shit did I get myself into? Come to think of it, I felt like I blew away allot of chances in the past. But realizing it now, isn't it a little too late? Is there still room to improve? Why did I choose to do those stuff in the past? The question is always there.. And I cannot answer it.. It's going to be a bumpy ride, I hope I can make it up to you again. Losing you will be like losing a part of myself, I'm already on the edge. Yet some people just never seem to understand what I'm going through. They make fun of me.. Whatever, their choice. I'm used to it, I'm not stand out or anything. But I sure don't want to follow my parent's way of life. Its just not ideal for me, they can't even think for themselves. If it weren't for my aunt and granny I think I won't even make it to swinburne university. I don't even think I'll graduate out of high school.. I should start showing a little gratitude.. Before everything is too late..