Sometimes I can pretend nothing has happened at all. I could go on living my life and turning a blind eye to all that is happening around me. But sometimes there's always someone or something that reminds me that no matter how hard I try to blind out the fact it will always come back no matter what.
What am I suppose to do?
Cry? My eyes are dry already.
Talk to someone? I've just got into a silly little misunderstanding because of my little foolishness. Talking to the same person over and over seemed like complaining. And they can't comfort much.
Oh well, maybe I should start getting used to this feel. After all this isn't the first time. Isn't the first time I've been in a foul mood and somebody has thrown me further off course.
I'm sorry but that's just the way I am.
I've been trying not to think.
The fact some people just ignored me makes me want to kill myself.
We used to talk for like hours and everyday in the past. But what happened in the past will forever be in the past.
Its hard being poor. Being poor in wealth, moral values, personality, looks. In the 21st century nobody will pay much attention to you.
Why? Cause money was the main attention of everybody. That piece of damn paper has struck into our very soul.
Money has drive me nuts from time to time. Because of a want for things which are a bit too hard to acquire. And the temper seems to grow as I keep feeding it. It will not stop and I have no idea how to stop this temper from overtaking me before its too late...
Dear God please help me..
I'm so tired of being so pathetic when I'm trying to be the good person but with a bad mouth that gives away everything.
The story continues.
ReplyDeleteMay: Some days later I joined E.R.(Easter Rally) I have never felt so much alive in the past few months. And for once I was thinking rationally and optimistically. And I came to talk to you.I talked to you like nothing has every happened before. I simply shrugged off everything that you said before as a joke and yet again I didn't take it seriously. I simply felt like talking to you could bring me more trouble in the future and I was right. We met twice, once was to help you make your notes. I tried my best to write out everything in the most simplified form so you would understand. I wanted to show you how much I mean it. The second time was a simple walk and talk with you in Spring. It was rather pleasant cause we talked so much and you didn't mock me as much as you used to. Still I'm getting more and more overprotective of you. After that a week you didn't talked to me at all. Cause you were having exams and I felt kinda lonely out there. Waiting for you to come on but I made no attempt to try to talk to you. Now your semester ended and you are working. You didn't seem to pay much attention to me anymore. Yes I do know that I'm not that important but even a little attention isn't directed towards me. I grew sick and tired and I was on the verge of having a mental breakdown. You were the only thing that was keeping me sane and now you treat me like air. How am I suppose to live with that? Yes call me pathetic or whatever you want. I just want to know I cared so much for you. But you'll never see it. YOU'LL NEVER GAWDAMN SEE IT AND I'M SICK AND TIRED OF PLAYING GAMES HERE SO WHY DON'T YOU JUST DISAPPEAR FROM MY SIGHT RIGHT THIS INSTANCE!